I cannot live in the past, I know that, but somehow my actions don't. I spend too much time on the what-if's...what if I didn't chose to let men walk all over me, what if instead of turning to drugs or alcohol I focused on school or a career, what if I had confronted my abuser? It is so damaging to sit and wonder what would have happened to my life instead of living my life. The past year has been especially rough. I have made some choices that had I been listening to my inner voice I would have not made, but I did and now I must deal with the consequences. I have to own up to my mistakes and correct them.
The biggest mistake I made was that I quit focusing on me. I put myself on the back burner in order to focus on everything else except myself; school, my relationship, Girl Scouts, etc. This is evident in the 30+lbs I gained and in the mild depression that has been plaguing me since I let go of myself. I stopped looking within for answers, instead I followed the actions of those around me. I started drinking more. I started eating more. I started to not care.