Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Sometimes I wonder...

What is the true purpose of my life? To be a good mother? a friend? a wife? Should I continue my pursuit of nursing? I feel as though I have yet to figure this out and I wonder if I ever will. I feel like there are so many road blocks trying to steer me in a different direction. My therapist said that she thinks it is Karma paying me back for all the bad I have done in my life....funny how that works. And here I thought I was a decent person. Apparently even those little indiscretions come back in bit you in the ass sooner or later.
I try so hard to stay positive and upbeat despite my situation, I know that is the only way, but it is so hard to not get down. Especially not knowing how the bills will get paid or how we will buy groceries. You would think that after suffering like this so many times I would have learned my lesson, but I have not. I keep putting myself in the same situation and expect different results, crazy?!? This goes back to my lack of guidance when I was younger, and unlike my sister, I still haven't figured out how to be an adult. I just don't get why I can't connect the pieces of responsibility and get my shit together?? I do not understand why it doesn't "click" for me.

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