My struggle within

I have really been struggling with many things lately, mainly my weight, my anger towards myself because of my weight, and discouragement because I am not losing any weight. The three of those combined along with other thoughts I have towards myself are forming a massive torando that will soon wreak havok on my life. I cannot figure out why I do not feel important enough to myself in order to make this happen.
I am miserable in my body. I cry when I have to get dressed because NONE of my clothes fit anymore. I absolutely refuse to buy more clothes that will fit, I feel that is giving into my lack of self control when it comes to my eating. I look in the mirror in complete disgust. I am the person I always used to look at and say "how can someone EVER let themselves go like that". I guess I never knew what was going on in their heads, now I know why they do it.
Only recently did I discover that I still need a crutch. I need SOMETHING to be there for me, it used to be drugs, alcohol, and bad relationships, honestly, I thought I had worked through all that, but apparently not; now I use food as my crutch.
The past few weeks I have been more conscious about my activity levels and what I put in my mouth, unfortunately the scale has not budged and it is so frustrating, it makes me want to eat more. However, I know why I am doing this, it is the same reason I used to use the drugs and alcohol; the abuse. And I absolutely REFUSE to let it control me. I am worn out, I am so tired of having these feeling and thoughts, I am tired of fighting the battles within. I want freedom, I want peace, I want to love myself again.